this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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