Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
