We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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