I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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