i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
