Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
