After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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