I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
