I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
