I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
