so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
