Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize