well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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