so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
