I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
