lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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