i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
