Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
