i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
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All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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