What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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