Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
