Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
