My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
