In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
