Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
