were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
