New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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