She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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