You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
