Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
