It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
