you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
