i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
