he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
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I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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