Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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