The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
