i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
