I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
