drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
