So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
