I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
