Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
