Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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