I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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