Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
