Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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