No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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