just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
