Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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