I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
