Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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