I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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