how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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