he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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