His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
