I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
