used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
