Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
