You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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