he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
