If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
