I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
