hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
COCAINE IS GR8
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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