FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
