I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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