also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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