Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
