My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
