we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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