did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
