oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
