Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
