Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
