turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
