Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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