she woke up with a sticky ear
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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